Sarah Palin, Bristol Palin, and pregnant teenagers

So Sarah Palin has a 17-year-old daughter named Bristol who’s pregnant and engaged to be married. My question is… WHY is this even considered a political scandal?! Hell, in today’s society, this barely qualifies for high school lunchtime gossip anymore. To me, the most shocking aspect is the fact that a 17-year-old is currently ENGAGED. Now THAT’S something you don’t see everyday in 2008 America (at least, not outside West Virginia).

And to those dipshit liberals who’re trying to argue that this SHOULD be a political issue ‘cause Palin advocates abstinence-only education, let me ask a few quick questions:

One, why wasn’t Al Gore’s opposition to recreational drug use a political issue after his son was busted for driving drunk with 100+ Vicodin pills in a baggie? Or when his fat-ass kid had his driving privileges revoked in 2000, why didn’t THIS become a political issue? Surely Al Gore supports safe driving, right?

Two, did Howard Dean’s opposition to burglary become a political issue after his kid was arrested by the cops for breaking into a private golf club’s liquor cabinet?

Three, after Hillary’s two idiot brothers Hugh & Tony were caught pushing through dubious pardon deals in the last days of the Clinton administration, why wasn’t Hillary’s family-oriented cronyism a political issue? Hell, Sarah Palin’s daughter is the subject of three – THREE! – front page stories on the cover of today’s New York Times! Funny… I don’t recall the Times splashing stories about Hillary’s corrupt brothers on the front page when SHE was running for President.

Four, if I can point to specific examples where kids DID get pregnant in schools that DO teach about birth control, would that necessarily invalidate the school’s Sex Ed policy?

OF COURSE NOT. This whole idea is just dopey. Obviously, Al Gore supports safe driving and is against drug abuse. Obviously, Howard Dean is against burglary. Obviously, specific examples of pregnant kids don’t automatically invalidate Sex Ed. And just as obviously, Bristol Palin’s pregnancy doesn’t mean that Sarah Palin is a hypocrite.

And none of us knows what really took place in the Palin household anyway. Hey, maybe Sarah taught her daughter all about birth control in the privacy of their own home – but she got horny and made a bad decision. Maybe Governor Palin told Bristol that penises are evil. Maybe Bristol’s boyfriend was planning to pull out… but was startled when his cell phone began vibrating and lost his concentration. None of us know – and none of us SHOULD know. It’s none of our business.

Using the shortcomings of schoolchildren to score political points in a Presidential campaign is just about as loathsome as you get. Fuck all of you.

-JKD