Used cars and pre-owned automobiles

About 20 years ago, all the used cars around the nation vanished overnight. Poof – gone! And in their place were hundreds of thousands of “pre-owned” cars. The actual CONDITION of the cars didn’t change, of course; they were still used cars. The only thing that changed were the words used to DESCRIBE the cars. I can only assume that this was a carefully-researched marketing decision – that some PR mastermind decided that Joe and Jill Six Pack would be far more inclined to blow $5K on a pre-owned Toyota Corolla than a used one. And maybe they’re right.

But the trouble with this marketing strategy is twofold: One, the term makes absolutely ZERO sense whatsoever. (Pre-owned? How can something be owned before it’s owned? EVERYTHING is always owned by SOMEBODY. Right? Otherwise, ANYONE could take it. For example, a deer in the forest is pre-owned. If I shoot the deer, then it’s mine – I own it. Once I tear off its antlers and leave the rotting carcass in the woods, the deer becomes post-owned. So whereas a deer in the woods can be pre-owned, automobiles are always owned.) The second problem with “pre-owned” is that it’s an unattractive term. Nobody likes the prefix “pre” because there’re WAY too many unpleasant words and events associated with it: pretest, precancerous, precondition, prenuptial, prepay, premature ejaculation, premenstrual syndrome, pre-op trannie, etc. So the phrase “pre-owned” is simply bogus and nonsensical – plus it’s poor marketing.

If I owned a used car lot, do you know what I’d go with to describe my used merchandise? “Post-new.” Isn’t that better? “Post” sounds important – like the Washington Post. And “new” is EXACTLY what everyone buying a car would ideally like to have. “Post-new.” Sounds like a more advanced form of new. Hey, what would YOU prefer to drive? A used Ford, a pre-owned Honda – or a POST-NEW Subaru? Damn straight you would.

“Say, Jim! That’s a mighty fine car in your driveway.” “Thanks, Bob. The wife wanted me to drive around in a used Ford, but I talked her into this sleek, stylish, post-new Subaru. Sure, it cost a little more, but you can’t put a price tag on happiness.” “You bet, Jim! Way to go.”

Post-new. Trust me on this: It’s a frickin’ BRILLIANT idea.

-JKD