Random musings

Here are some of the things I think about when I’m sitting on the toilet with nothing to read (other than the back of the shampoo bottle):

Rule of Life #27: If the bar restroom has a clean mirror and a fresh urinal cake, you’re paying too much for your drinks.

NEVER smoke pot or drop acid while watching one of those reality TV shows. You’ll inevitably become paranoid – and start searching your house for hidden cameras and microphones.

Y’know, slavery gets a lot of negative press lately… but if you stop and think about it, it’s actually a highly efficient way to get people to work for you without paying them any money.

Saint Valentine was a Catholic Priest who died as a martyr. A priest! Isn’t that interesting? Our annual Holiday of Love is named after someone who was celibate.

Can ANYONE explain to me why federal regulations require commercial airplane pilots to walk through the airport security metal detectors? An airplane pilot doesn’t need a bomb to destroy an airplane and kill hundreds of people… all he needs is the GROUND.

Few things in life are sexier than a woman with multiple body piercings – particularly when the pierced body parts include her tongue, nipples, and clitoris. Any woman who’s willing to painfully mutilate her body in the hopes of marginally enhancing sexual stimulation is my kind of babe.

According to Greek mythology, Medusa was such a hideous woman that simply gazing into her eyes would transform a mere mortal into a pillar of stone. So… if I ever got real, real drunk & horny in Ancient Greece and somehow stumbled near her home, I think I would insist on doing it doggie style.

Whenever I see a giraffe, I always think about oral sex. I guess it’s the long neck.

There are always more wig shops in the poor parts of town.

-JKD