The problem with Republican and Democrat Presidential conventions

Watching these political conventions on TV, it’s readily apparent that both political parties are utterly clueless – ‘cause these conventions do absolutely NOTHING to help a candidate win in November. NOTHING. And think about that for a sec: Almost an entire week of FREE national primetime television exposure… and no meaningful bang for the buck on Election Day.

Wanna know why? It’s because both political parties are incentivized NOT to stage conventions that actually help win the election. Instead, the success or failure of a convention is dependent on just one question: Does the candidate get a “bounce” in the post-election poll? If he does, then the convention was a big success. If not, the convention was a failure and the planners are all idiots.

But really, that’s an utterly stupid way to evaluate a convention. WHO CARES about a post-convention poll bounce – especially if the bounce is gonna go flat between now and November? And the bounce – if it happens at all – WILL ALWAYS go flat before November, ‘cause the election cycle is way too long for ANY candidate to maintain this momentary, summertime bump for months at a time.

Imagine that! Hours upon hours of free primetime television exposure… all designed to generate a late August / early September blip in the polls.

Well, here’s a thought: Why not create a convention that actually could be meaningful in NOVEMBER? And it really wouldn’t be all that difficult to do. All you’d need is a format that creates at least one explosive, long-lasting memory.

And how do you manufacture a TV-ready memory, you ask? Well, it certainly ain’t by lining half-a-dozen interchangeable politicians and political wives on a podium and having ‘em belch 15-minute-long preapproved speeches. That’s too carefully controlled; it might help you gain a brief uptick in the polls if the speeches are moderately entertaining, but it’s a meaningless f’n format for creating memories that last ‘til the first Tuesday in November.

So think outside the box for a sec. What if… an immigrant war widow was sworn in as an American citizen on primetime TV, and immediately after gave a tearful speech about what America means to her – and why Candidate X is the only one who could be trusted to keep her dream alive? What if an unscripted, 30-minute debate took place about an issue that a candidate cares about – and is trying to get the public to care about, too? What if a candidate did a live Q&A on the stage with a (relatively) unbiased media outlet?

You’ve gotta do something unscripted and at least slightly unpredictable – something that has a modicum of risk attached to it – in order to be memorable. And it’s gotta be something that nobody else has ever seen before.

Y’know what I’d do if I were John McCain? I’d call Barack Obama. Live on the stage, I’d whip out my iPhone and give Obama a ring – without any advance warning to Obama or the media. Because one of two things will happen:

First, maybe Obama wouldn’t take the call. And if that’s the case, John McCain could put down the phone and crow to his rabid Republican audience: “Earlier in this campaign, Senator Obama bravely promised to meet one-on-one with ruthless dictators like Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad – but I guess taking a telephone call from John McCain was too intimidating. It’s unfortunate that he doesn’t believe the audience watching this convention – here and across the United States – is worthy of his time… but then again, unscripted conversations without a teleprompter aren’t exactly his strong suit. I simply wanted to wish Obama good luck on national television, to demonstrate to our allies and enemies throughout the world that, despite our difference, America is unified, strong, and determined to be a beacon of hope for all humanity.”

And if Obama DOES take the call, McCain should say, “Senator, I congratulate you on your nomination and wish you best of luck for this upcoming election. I also wanted to pledge to you personally – before all of America – that we 100% respect your patriotism and promise to treat you as a unique individual with a distinct vision for America – and not constantly compare you to any other politician or individual, just to score cheap political points. I hope you pledge to do the same for the rest of the campaign. And regardless of who wins or loses this election, let’s also promise to work together to re-unify this country, because the challenges we face as Americans are just too important to fall prey to another round of petty partisan bickering.”

Either way, the moment would be fodder for water cooler discussions around the country, debated on radio and television, etc. It would be something… memorable.

And y’know, if Obama DOES take the call – and then inevitably compares McCain to George W. Bush in any of their debates – McCain would have a devastating retort: “Senator, we pledged at the Republican convention not to engage in gutter politics by constantly comparing each other to unpopular politicians. You’ve either broken this pledge or decided not to take it. Senator, your words might be prettier than mine – but my words are more truthful and more honorable. Let’s see which the American people prefer.”

Boom.

-JKD