President-Elect Barack Hussein Obama

Well, we just had another one of those wonderfully entertaining Presidential elections… and for the next four years, the leader of the Free World is gonna be President Barack Hussein Obama. Yup, the name just rolls right off the tip of your tongue, eh?

And by the way… has anyone noticed that Obama is BLACK?! Holy shitballs! Actually, the fact that Obama is black is worth noting – ‘cause that would make him the first racial minority to win the highest office of a democratic nation. Lots of democracies have previously elected female leaders – India, England, Israel, Germany, Argentina, Canada and so forth – but none of ‘em has EVER elected a member of a racial minority to the most powerful office in the land. (‘Course, America has NEVER elected a female leader… yet we were still the FIRST to elect a minority leader. And y’know, I kinda enjoy knowing that the racial divisions that have long plagued whites and blacks here in America have healed so much, the two races were willing to come together to deny Hillary Clinton the Presidency and Sarah Palin the Vice Presidency. Isn’t that nice? Whites and blacks, working together, determined to keep all women out of the White House. Yes, the dream has been fulfilled. Halleluiah!)

I also think that when John McCain eventually dies & goes to heaven, the other dead Presidents will make fun of him:

George Washington: “You mean to tell me you lost VIRGINIA and NORTH CAROLINA to a BLACK GUY?! Jesus f’n Christ, how PATHETIC was YOUR frickin’ campaign?!”

Thomas Jefferson: “Well, I assume this Obama guy had a lot of experience. No? OK, was Obama a war hero? No military experience either? Hmm. Was he a business leader? No? And he hadn’t even completed one term in the Senate?! Good LORD, McCain – were you even TRYING to win?!”


Serves him right. That was one of the suckiest political campaigns I’ve EVER seen. That campaign sucked more than a Clinton intern. Even Dukakis and Mondale were giggling themselves silly over McCain’s pathetic campaign.

Onward and upward.

Actually, I have a theory about why America has such a lousy federal government: You see, the guiding philosophy for the Democrats – high taxes, high regulation, heavy government involvement, big government programs, more socialism, less individual responsibility – simply isn’t conducive for long-term economic growth. So when the Democrats get in office, they eventually fuck things up. And the Republicans, to their credit, realize that the Democrats’ philosophy will CRIPPLE the economy… but the trouble is, Republicans don’t really like the government in the first place, so they’re naturally incompetent when it comes to the day-to-day management of the government. It’s awfully difficult to run something that you never really cared about – or ever believed in.

And that’s the choice Americans face on every Election Day: Either vote for the guy with the WRONG political philosophy – but with a good understanding of how the government is supposed to work… or vote for the guy with the RIGHT political philosophy – but is utterly inept at actually implementing this philosophy.

Either way… we’re all pretty much fucked. Good job, America.

-JKD